The money conversation, and who takes part in it

Everyone knows money will have to come up, and nobody is sure whether that starts with your parent or with a word between brothers and sisters first. What follows is information, not financial or legal advice; how your parent's money is handled is theirs to work out, with whoever they choose to ask.

Know why the talk gets put off

The Financial Consumer Agency of Canada says many Canadians find money hard to talk about with family and friends, for fear of being judged. Research for the Ontario Securities Commission, in Canada, found that many adult children who had not had this conversation saw starting it as up to their parents, and that discomfort talking about money was a common reason, on both sides, that it had not happened.

Let your parent set how far the money talk goes

How far into their money matters the talk goes is up to your parent.

Whether your parent is able to make a particular money decision is not for the family to judge alone; where that is in question, it is for their doctor or care team, and the formal steps differ from one place to another.

Agree with your parent who else takes part

Who else joins, whether a sibling, a partner or nobody, is for your parent to agree before anyone is asked along. Having someone they trust to turn to for financial advice is on a Government of Canada planning checklist written for older people, as is having talked with family and friends about help they may need later, a point also made in Getting organized: documents, contacts, and access. Québec does not take part in that checklist.

Write down what was agreed, with your parent

A short note of what was agreed, written with your parent and kept where they choose, can save the same ground being gone over again. It is a reminder of a conversation, not a formal paper, and it stays theirs.

Know where public money information and advice is

In Canada, the Financial Consumer Agency of Canada describes its information and tools as unbiased and factual, and says its Consumer Information Centre is there to help provide them for managing money.

In Ireland, MABS, the Money Advice and Budgeting Service, describes itself as the State's money and debt advice service, offering money advice and budgeting support to all members of the public while working primarily with people who have problem debt, and says it has no links to any banks or credit unions. In its customer charter, Ireland's MABS says it works for a person only with their permission and supports them in making their own decisions, and that ultimately the person makes all the choices about their money.

What public bodies say they fund is in What public funding for help at home can cover, and where it stops.

Apart from the Ontario Securities Commission research, the Canadian sources here are federal, and the Irish source is MABS. No official source was found for Thailand, and there, money advice where your parent lives is the place to ask.

Take legal questions to legal advice where your parent lives

Papers that let someone else handle your parent's money, or decide for them, are a legal matter that differs by where they live, and one for legal advice there, as Getting organized: documents, contacts, and access also notes. Questions about money planning can go to money advice where your parent lives.